Top Five Regrets
12-10-11
For many years I
worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to
die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for
the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot
when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to
underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were
phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected,
denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.
Every single patient found their peace before they departed though,
every one of them.
When questioned
about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,
common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common
five:
1. I wish
I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
expected of me.
This was the most
common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost
over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams
have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had
to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not
made.
It is very
important to try and honour at least
some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your
health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I
didn't work so hard.
This came from
every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth
and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret.
But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients
had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted
spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your
lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible
to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more
space in your life, you become happier and more open to new
opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish
I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people
suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a
result, they settled for a mediocre
existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment
they carried as a result.
We cannot control
the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you
are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a
whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the
unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I
had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would
not truly realise the full benefits of
old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to
track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that
they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were
many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort
that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying.
It is common for
anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are
faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall
away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if
possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance
for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of
those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever
manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in
the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and
relationships.
5. I wish
that I had let myself be happier.
This is a
surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The
so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as
well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to
others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within,
they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life
again.
When you are on
your deathbed, what others think of you
is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and
smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice.
It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
Choose happiness.
_______________
Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia. Her blog has a loyal and ever-increasing following
and has been quoted in several respectable international publications.
Based on this article, Bronnie has now
released a full-length book, also titled
'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying'. For more information about this
or to read more of Bronnie's work,
please visit her blog at http://inspirationandchai.com.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bronnie_Ware
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